Coming back stronger

I had another setback. At the end of December I went for a 10 days holiday with my family, a well deserved escape to a tropical island where the greatest of concerns were whether having passion fruit or pineapple juice for breakfast.

I did recharge my batteries after a long year of changes, stress and worries; but, I allowed myself to let me go once again. I said that before, I expected it might happen again but not so soon after starting to make progress. I don’t make any excuse: I fell back into old habits of procrastinating, being lazy and not following up to my promises.

I blamed it on the new job I started in January, for which I had to follow a month-long training which drained all my energies. I even skipped one language lesson, for how mentally exhausted I was. Looking back, exercise would have given me the energy needed to go through my weekly tasks successfully; instead, I allowed myself to cool down by going out with friends, drinking and smoking like never, or coming back home and doing nothing but laying in bed, and so on, and so forth.

I only reached out to my trainer a month and a half later, as we needed to come up with an update with my training program. I clearly explained that I had a tough month and I was ready to start again. What he said made me realise that I was once again making excuses with myself. He said: ”Giulia, if you know me even a little you would know I’m not going to obsess you or insist too much; it has to start with you”.

I felt like shit. He was right. IT STARTS WITH YOU.

Two weeks ago I went back to the gym. Once. Then last week twice. Slow progress.

The big, fundamental issue to fix at the moment, apart from working on my consistency, is to be able to say NO to the bunch of social events happening all the time. I am a social animal, it’s extremely difficult for me to say no to things, especially since they happen mostly during the week and I know that I will be spending the weekend doing nothing, so I’d better be social when I have the chance, right?

I have to escape this mechanism. I love going out with friends, but in the last two months it was out of control. I need and want to be healthier and no, there is no way I can manage to go out and not drink or smoke; I’d rather not go out at all. So, before I learn to control myself, I started saying no.

I said no to two parties in the last days: day parties and I definitely did NOT feel like drinking at noon. After declining the invitation, I had two full days for myself, and guess what happened?

I went to the gym, killer workout. Then I went to the opera. I cleaned my room. Today I went to the park to do my Dutch home works (which I’ve never done in two months). I reduced the number of cigarettes from 10 to 5. There’s been a lot of music, a lot of thinking, a lot of meditation, and following up with a lot of pending tasks. I feel I’m recharging my batteries a lot, and I’m ready to go through next week’s busy schedule with the right mindset.

Will I let myself go again? Probably yes, but I’ll make sure it won’t last more than a month like last time. I spend a good half of my daytime thinking about how my life would be different if I had the body of my dreams, and it is my biggest desire right now. There is only one way to make it happen: stay focused, stay consistent. Prioritise my wellbeing over everything else. The rest will follow.