Weight loss and the power of mind: how to avoid being your own saboteur

This article will be longer than others, since it’s a complex topic; so sit down and enjoy the ride!

We’ve all heard that when it comes to fitness, either you have results or you have excuses. As true as it might be, I’m really not a fan of the whole ”no excuses” mindset, as it blatantly implies one’s weakness if, for whatever reason, results are not achieved.

I used to believe it myself: I always thought that ”fat” people were just lazy. I was so wrong.

There are a thousand reasons why we are not achieving the results we want, and in 99% of the cases, they are mental. It doesn’t mean that we are weak, or lazy; it means that the mind plays the most important role in weight loss, and if things are not working, the LAST thing someone should do is to point fingers, or to blame. It’s just counterproductive. This can come from either a personal trainer, a gym instructor, or ourselves. For many years I was lost in a vicious circle of blame and guilt that ultimately made me believe I didn’t have what it takes. I had a lot going on in my mind, I wouldn’t workout, I’d eat comfort food, and I would then hate myself for being lazy. I was completely absorbed in this self-hate, an inner saboteur, when instead I should have focused on why I was reacting the way I was. What was preventing me from living a healthier lifestyle? Why would I seek comfort in food, rather than a workout? And, especially: how to break that vicious circle?

It’s hard not to fall into clichés here, and the best I can is explaining what worked for me.

I was in an abusive relationship. There, I said it. I didn’t realise how abusive it was, until a very long time after. He wasn’t physically abusive, he never hit me, or anything of sorts. He simply was the most subtle and hard to spot type of mental abuser: the one that slowly and progressively makes you feel inadequate, unaccepted, and openly dislikes all those little things that makes you YOU. Many years together, he completely destroyed my self esteem, leaving me a hot mess of insecurities when I finally broke up.

It was during this relationship that I slowly gained 30 kg. At the same time, I was in constant burnout from a terrible employer, and zero support. So yeah, I had a lot going on. He started becoming mentally abusive after I started gaining weight, using this in its advantage in making me believe the fault for him behaving the way he did, was all mine. ”I wasn’t like this before, you’re making me be like this because you gained weight, it’s your fault” pretty much.

I believe this was my source of self-hate. Whenever I’d try to workout, there always was that inner voice saying ”come on, why are you wasting your time, deep down you know you’re not gonna make it”. And for a long time, that voice was right. I wasn’t ready to embrace a lifestyle change because I didn’t believe I DESERVED it. I didn’t deserve to be happy, the result I wanted seemed unattainable.

It didn’t change overnight. There are a lot of testimonials out there claiming that one day they flipped, said ”enough”, and changed for good. Trust me, it’s never like this. The last drop might happen overnight: before that, there are months, if not years, of self hate, feeling uncomfortable in social situations, avoiding being in pictures, avoiding shopping, feeling uncomfortable in eating unhealthy food in front of other people, being jealous of skinny people, crying at night because you want to change but don’t have the strength to do it. Or worse, because you’re afraid of how painful it’s going to be.

In my case, I craved social approval more than being fit; so I indulged in a lot of drinking with friends, parties, dinners, and never ever said no to a social event. God knows I can’t say no to beer and snacks if I’m out with friends; I was so unhealthy that the idea of working out made me sick, knowing how hard it was going to be. I don’t remember having a day in which I flipped, and said enough: one day I contacted a personal trainer I knew, and it was probably it. I just didn’t realise how much my life was going to change. I was just so tired of hating the person I’d see in the mirror.

I started slowly, thinking ”I’m gonna try”. After two months, it slowly became ”Perhaps I could make it, we’ll see, one day at a time”. When I first lost weight, I cried. I cried because I didn’t believe I would be capable of doing it. It was like an explosion of awareness unraveling in front of my shocked eyes, and that’s when I thought, ”I CAN make it”.

I lost 15 kg since then. The first two months were the most difficult, for two reasons: first, because working out was goddamn hard. I had completely lost all of my strength, resistance, and cardio training: the amount of fatigue is overwhelming, as well as the frustration of knowing that the current workout used to be my warm up. It was scary, being totally out of breath, in so much pain, not knowing if it was ever going to go away. I constantly repeated myself that it was gonna get better, if I managed to stick to the plan. And so it went.

Second reason: because I still didn’t believe in myself. I had tried and failed so many times that I didn’t see how it was going to be any different.

Well, unlike other times, I had professional help, and I was consistent. That’s it. Two things: follow a plan, and be consistent. It took long, and there is no finish line, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. The mind transformation I went through was simply astonishing, and changed every other aspect of my life. I am more confident and know that I can achieve anything, if I put my mind to it. I’m not there yet, but surely it’s the right path.

All of this was possible when I stopped being my own worst saboteur: in those days, it was like being at war with myself. My conscious mind would say, ”you can do this, you got this”; my inner voice would say, ”shut up, don’t bother, you know you can’t”. That voice was coming from many years of being silenced, put down, ridiculed, ignored, not listened. Getting rid of toxicity in my life was essential in getting started: to believe you deserve to be happy, you must surround yourself with people that stimulate you and make yourself better, not the way around. Get rid of toxic relationships, friends, situations: everything will work out for the best when you put yourself, and not others, at the center of everything. I promise.

And when you put yourself first and have a plan, trust me: there is nothing that will ever stop you.

So, how to avoid becoming your own saboteur?

• Get rid of toxic people: they put you down to make themselves feel better, and they absorb all your energy. There should be no space for toxic people in your life.
• Put yourself first: the moment you put yourself at the center of everything, things will change for good, I promise. For so long I craved other people’s approval that I forgot to focus on what makes ME happy. Repeat this mantra to yourself, every day, every night: you matter. You are the most important person for yourself. People that are worth having in your life, will understand it – and encourage it.
• Seek help. I will never stress enough the importance of having a support structure: in my case it was my personal trainer, someone that will make you feel accountable. For other people it can be a workout buddy, a friend, family… anything that helps.
• Have a plan. You’ll be more consistent if you know you’re following a proper path, made for you by a professional; every workout will feel like an extra step towards your goal.
• Remember it’s a long process, but it starts with one first step: repeat to yourself like a mantra, one day at a time.
• Prove yourself wrong. It’s easy, at the beginning, thinking that you are not going to make it, that you don’t have what it takes, that you don’t deserve it. Push yourself every single day: there is nothing more rewarding that proving yourself wrong.

If you made it this far, congratulations! I hope you found my experience insightful. I’m not special, I’m not stronger, I’m not better: I just wake up every day with a warrior mindset, determined to defeat my own inner saboteur.

Be a warrior, and go beastmode to claim what you deserve!